February.

2010-04-07T04:29:00.002+08:00

hey.

been busy with alot of stuffs really.

making decisions and what not.

im just confused and furious right now.

confused for the fact that i cant make the decision and furious because somehow someone is a hypocrite.

whoever you think you are.

anyways, great effort my "friend".

nevertheless, im grateful.

grateful for the life im living in absolute guilt.

there.

now, my heart is beating so hard.

brain-iac

2010-03-12T13:08:00.002+08:00

this is it. im not hanging on anymore. i dont think i have the strength to. if you love me, you shouldve let me be free. you saw how determined i was gonna leave. you told me you were hurt. you told me you give me evrything. you dont understand me or my feelings. i gave you everything! everything that meant the world to me, everything i never thought i could give. love and time thats what i meant. i gave you the time i spent with you. i gave you the love deep from my heart. you never saw it. you never trust me in the first place. you didnt give me a chance to do that at all. you said you sacrificed alot for me. well, i sacrificed the pain in my heart to be with you, to wait for you to change your ways. to forgive what you've done. to accept you for who you are. all i could ask for right now is just let me go.

through out the whole three years of being together, i felt that i was paid to do all the stuffs to make you happy, to listen to your every word, to do the things i dont want to. it is painful not to be loved- i understand that. i felt that before and it changed my perception of love. How do i know that youre the right guy for me? right now, i realised you tolerated with my nonsense and you know how i felt about everything except you.

why do you still love me when all this while you complain about me and what i did to you- like you, im confused too - confused with all the love you said you had given me when all i see around me are the things you bought for me. and you ask for all the things back whenever i made the decision to leave. and its not fair to me that i have to love you when eveyrthing else is about money. you said i owe you 5000 for all the things and food you bought throughout the 3 years and ordered me to pay you before you could leave so that it wont hurt you as much. not one bit i asked you to return back my life, not one bit i asked you to repay back my love. you always thought surprises will make me happy. you thought it WILL MAKE ME LOVE YOU MORE.

Please, im not here to have all that you had bought me. all i need is for us to be genuinely happy.

i never had to forgive anyone who did what my dad never even do to me. i never had to face my fears of being scolded, humiliated and teased in public. i never knew you love me that way.

i never even know that thats what you meant when you said you love me. dearest, maybe we lost our love and left it somewhere somewhat 3 years ago. i was never truthful to you, i was never the one you're looking for. i am not the girl you're suppose to love- im just myself. my life is never complete. my dreams will never come true.

honestly, i dont think we will get married one day. its just a big fat dream anyway.

but if one day, we meet again....

im happy for you being with someone else. not me.

the night rider.

2010-02-13T03:08:00.002+08:00

hey all. okay now i shall update! its been suchhh a loooong time right.

well, i've started working and im glad i did because i really need to earn some moolahs and not go on motherlode mode.

haha.

so then again, my pay is abt 3 times as much Han is earning, so that's basically my initial plan to buy him things that he wanted for years. so then again, its tiring and because its February... gong xi gong xi sale is on. soooooooo much tiring then normal days. and lucky me, tmrw is my off day. till monday. rest rest rest and chill.

we did not celebrated Vday this year, basically because it sucks to be going out when the shopping centres are half closed. bugger. My eldet brother asked Han to tag along for soccer at The Cage Kallang. So we went there by cab and home by bus to Dhoby, fetched bro's gf at Sentosa, then to Yishun by train and then cabbed home bfore the two of them basically did not even sleep due to the SNIPER Game they are playing. and me, since mum have sooooo much beads to spare... i did quite alot of bracelets today. and Peace Signs. parents together with my younger sister and my maid went for a holiday... -balik kampong at Muar and second bro is away shooting somewhere at Msia. so the house is kecohrable with Han and big bro playing the entire day! haha. right now, im sleepy as can b waiting for Han to stop 'gaming'.

cant wait for pay day!!!!

until then, dozing off and out! peace!

standing on my own two feet

2010-01-28T02:21:00.002+08:00

hi.

its tough finding the right job.

the littlest things in life that we want and sometimes not needed - is indeed making you feel much worse.

life, has its own journey. and i know that i have to make something happen, somehow that is.

there are many things that i want right now. maybe, a little too oblivious.

its not that i dont try. ive tried alright.

tried 7FAM, ESPRIT, NAF NAF, BEBE, MANGO

sent resumes here and there...

its kinda hard right now.

lucky you O-lvl kids.

time- pls be on my side.

moving on

2010-01-21T04:25:00.002+08:00

i've been going to interviews for the past three days and its really exhausting really. the problem is, i need to find a fixed job to support myself. like hello~ being 21 is not easy. eventhough i do not have bills to pay/fines/debts to pay, i still hafta save some cash for my needs and wants. haha. besides, i wanna be able to do what Han is doing right now, giving me money each week and buying me stuffs that i don't necessary need but want so bad... haha. see, sometimes i feel so useless that i can't buy him a present/anni-gift whatsoever. and sometimes he does complaint but it fell on deaf ears. so right now, im tryna make a change for once. i've gone to weird places for those interviews and it sucks being lost somewhere you're not even familiar with. im fine with life right now. nevertheless, money kinda will make everything perfect. its been a long time since i shop stuffs with my own hard earned monies. and someday Insya-allah berkat doa my parents will be shown. honestly, i wanna have the feeling i felt before giving money to repay my parents kindness and prayers each month. and now that im legal, legal... i wanna show them i can stand on my own and not play around anymore. with work and with my relationship. im hoping for a better future exactly.

actually, i hate planning my future. i just go with the flow. but there's not much time left now. im 21 and Han just turned 20. and in a few years time, i dont wish to see us being together as BF/GF but the perfect husband/wife. lets just see how things goes from here right now.

making plans.

2010-01-19T03:03:00.002+08:00

okay dude, in like exactly 15 days-

han & i will celebrate our 3rd year. and i am absolutely out of ideas really.

its kinda like a big deal bcause:

a) three is my favourite number.

b) 3rd february is the date

c)omfg 3 wholesome years?!

we have had the most toughest times together

and still make it thru.

we put our differences aside

and make us love each other more

we killed/stabbed/broke each others' heart

but when one of us apologize

everything changes.

three years, is a fucking long time. and believe me, i was about to give up.

but he pulled me thru this together with him. faith. believe. love.

he taught me all that without even realizing.

honestly, im hoping to make this anniversary the best for us.

2010-01-18T00:39:00.000+08:00

reblogged from felicia

2010-01-17T12:13:00.000+08:00

i need to work. period.

goodbye and good rest

2010-01-15T18:19:00.002+08:00

1933-2010

my paternal grandma left us.

1220nn 15 January 2010.

now, daddy aint got his dad and mum.

rest in peace nyaie.

we miss you.

you belong to yayie now.

he's been waiting for you for so long now.

i love you and you know that.

the doctor's aint gonna hurt you anymore.

we all know you hated the wires.

we all know you fought till the end.

the time has come?

2010-01-15T03:06:00.002+08:00

han told me that his dad told him to..........

tie the knot with me. if his savings is enough that is. okay as much as you want to start a new life with big responsibilities and start a family, it kinda struck you that moneywise, we're not ready. han has been the only one supporting me. like food, transportation money, stuffs and daily needs that is. and it makes me feel like crap sitting at home and always being mad at some thing. like when he didnt answer my calls or the late replies. but honestly, i need some assurance that he knows i need him all the time. and its the truth. i did recall saying this countless of times that i want to get married fast. i mean, i wanna have a kid before 25. likewise, he thinks the same too. except that he wasnt too sure about the FAST part. but now that his dad made the statement, han realized that his dad wants to see his grandkid. if you catch what i mean. so for now, im still searching for a stable job that will make me bring home atleast 1000/mth and like that i could save 200-300/mth to get married by 22-23. 12x200 is 2400. and by two years that amount is 4800. mann, thats not enough tho. now things like this causes big headaches. nevertheless, imma find my own way to figure this out. right. i really hope that he can assure me that he is the one. because marriage is not something you can play around with. but if it all works well, then be prepared to receive an invitation!

a new page

2010-01-13T12:43:00.003+08:00

han's bday was a blast.

lots of people came down but im disappointed though his close friends weren't there at all.

maybe they are busy with thier stuffs. its okay.

the rest came and blew the party away! it was a blast!

im like wondering. where'd all his friends go? Like seriously, yeah some texted and stuffs. Why cant they see that Han is someone who will do anything for his friends and what does he get in return?? Im glad his bunkmates were there and I have no issues with them because they have been there for him thru his toughest times. and Im just ranting it here because its so ridiculous that here I am trying to make his birthday the best with is long lost friends but guess what? nothing. Now this is why they say, some friends are just not worth your friendship. I just wanted to see him smile. and thats all Im hoping for.

2009-12-18T23:30:00.003+08:00

made chocolate cheesecake and mars chocolate crispy cake today. all by myself. with the help of my sister who apparently pour some cornflakes on the floor and played with it pouring in and out of her PLAY BOWL. here's some pics i took. have yet to taste the cheesecake. still sitting in fridge. while the mars choc crispy cake was absolutely delicious!

put in a tray a pop it in the FRIDGE.

pieces of cornflakes

the choc cheesecake

crispy cakes arent baked. the most simplest thing to do ever.

2009-12-18T22:37:00.003+08:00

Fara,

I hope you will get to read this one day. You came into our lives & brought us as family together & stronger. Neither any of us felt that your a burden. In fact, you showed us things we never see or felt before. Even though you can barely talk, sometimes your accidental words made us burst into laughter. You, are the most funniest 12 year old ever. As long as we are all here, we will definitely take care of you. Me and Abang Hanis promise to take you with us when we get our own house in a few years time.

These past days without Bibik, I felt even closer to you. I know sometimes I scolded you for your mischief, I did not mean to raise my voice to you. Taking care of you on a daily basis was challenging. But at the end of the day, with your hand always holding mine while sleeping & hearing your snore makes the tiredness of the day vanish.

Dear little sister, you are the beating to my heart. I love you more than you can ever imagine.

2009-12-18T00:15:00.002+08:00

i sacrificed my cravings of lemon meringue and red velvet cupcakes for Han's skate session. I couldnt bare see him sulk and giving me the face of doom. So I made it up to him to skate and see him smile yknow. I was craving for an icecream too. So I went to 313 with Reena Turner cos she's the only girl there and not skating. 313 is complicated. But I got my bubblegum and aussie vanilla ice cream with violet crumble topping for ten bucks and I AM SATISFIED with it. WORTH EVERY PENNY. Sunday has got to be RED VELVET AND LEMON MERINGUE DAYYYYY. pretty pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

2009-12-14T20:54:00.001+08:00

2009-12-12T22:30:00.003+08:00

2009-11-30T13:19:00.000+08:00

2009-11-25T00:29:00.002+08:00

Behold~ E-620

got this from HAN!

he also bought me a wide angle lens.

and he bought himself the ipod touch.

THANK YOU FOR THE ADVANCE BIRTHDAY PREZZIE.

now i know why he want me to have it today.

dude, this camera is complicating.

AND I L♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥VE IT!

2009-11-24T12:11:00.002+08:00

Its funny how

you can do nice things for people

all the time

and they never notice.

But once you make one mistake,

its never forgotten.

Han says he's gonna find my birthday present today for a bit before meeting me later.

Now I've got butterflies in my stomach.

The fact that my bday is still due in 9 days, got me so freaking excited.

The urge to ask whats the present whats gonna happen.

But to no avail.

Dude! 9 days to 3rd December.

How effing cool is that? Im just hoping for a red velvet cupcake with a candle on top.

Hope he knows wheres The Marmalade Pantry is.

They've got the best tasting red velvet and lemon meringue sponge cake.

10 DAYS TO KL

with the SKATE PEOPLE[s]~~~.

2009-11-23T17:24:00.003+08:00

10 DAYS TO MY 21ST.

HAN DOESNT TELL ME ANYTHING!

BUT I ONLY KNOW THAT HE'S CELEBRATING WITH ME AT KL WITH THE SKATE PEEPS.

I AM ABOUT TO SHIT IN MY PANTS.

MIDNITE SNACK 101

2009-11-22T12:50:00.002+08:00

broccoli

enoki mushrooms

baby carrots

sliced capsicum

honey mustard

shredded or whole mozzarella

salt and pepper

butter

aluminum foil

I made this yesterday at 12. I call it my midnight snack. Its something easy and healthy. FYI, I love broccoli. Like really. If someone could bake me a Broccoli Cake for my birthday, i'd be delighted! So here's my own creation of a midnight snack that you could try.

Steam the sliced broccoli and baby carrots in a saucepan. Add some salt and pepper.

Leave it to boil for about 5-8 minutes.

In a small bowl, pour some hot water and dip in the enoki mushrooms. Leave it for about 2 minutes tops.

Filter the excess water and leave it in the bowl while waiting for the broccoli and the carrots to cook.

When broccoli and carrots are ready, same thing.. Filter the excess water.

In a mixing bowl, put in the butter about 2 tablespoon and make sure it is in room temperature.

Add in the enoki mushrooms, broccoli and the carrots.

Lightly mix the ingredients with the butter.

Lastly, add in the sliced capsicum.

Before you bake the ingredients, make sure your aluminum foil is ready.

Depends on how small or big you want your portion to be.

My trick is to put in the shredded mozzarella first before putting in the rest. And then another layer of mozzarella before wrapping it up. Oh and also the honey mustard. If you like.

Up to your cheesy appetites okay.

Baked it in the oven for about 10 minutes because you don't want the veggies to be soggy.

Serve HOT. SEDAAAAAP!

so there you go. i hope someone try this. cos i really wanna know what they think.

well anyways... not many who loves broccoli right.

so peace out!

whats the story, morning glory?

2009-11-20T12:44:00.002+08:00

here's a story.

i was born on the third day of December 1988. i grew up with the most mischievous brothers who meant everything to me. my eldest was in 83's and the middle one is 86's. i learnt how to lie and cry and laugh with them. i learnt how to fall and be independent with them. yes, our childhood was the best ever childhood life you could imagine. we travel without fail, we get what we want instantly. though as we grow older, things are different in the sense of talking and laughing together again. but when the moment was felt, it felt incredible. i do felt butterflies in my stomach whenever we laughed together. the three of us.

my youngest sister has celebral palsy. she is a special kid who is the sparkle that brought us as family again. she lit the house with excitement and joy for my parents though the only challenges for us is she haven't really talk. and walk properly. like any normal kid do. there's no need for your sympathy really. we leave it to the Great One. and syukur alhamdullilah, we faced all obstacles strongly with full acceptance. now 12, my sister was one of the fast learners in her cohort. represented singapore for special olympics and made us and her teachers proud. she understands what we talk and say and she knows what feelings are. she is as mischievous as us when we were her age. really. and she talks alot. not really talk but making so much noises as if she was saying something. and all we could do is asking her what she said. sometimes, onion, prawn and english just blurted out from her mouth. yes, she is trying and i can see that. we never blame her for the financial crisis we had sometime ago. we never blame her for the things we never get to buy. the big plasma tv, the condo, the honda crossroad because one thing that brought us together is definitely her. thru thick and thin we suffer, we fought, we stand up.

i dont expect anyone to accept her as she is. i know sometimes people make fun of how she walks and points at her in the train and neither will i get mad at those people. because i felt proud that i have her. she made me appreciate things more. she made me think twice of buying things thats not worth it. she made me frugal. and for those who see people like her outside, pls. spare a thought before making fun of them. they dont deserve teasing in their life. they dont deserve rude comments about them. they dont question why they are like that because to them, they stand out from the crowd. and they are proud of it.

hanis, gave my sister everything. the love, the care that she need from a 'brother'. the best part is... when she learnt how to say AHH-ISSHH which is HANIS in her language and not my name or my brothers! those were the beautiful moments that i vividly remember. my sister loves hanis. though she has her one boyfriend Rahman who stays behind Hanis's block and we are very close to him too. and what i love about Rahman is his smile melts my heart. he is wheelchair bound and is paralyzed when he was 7. before that he was a normal kid. high fever cause him to paralyze from his waist down. his speech was affected too. slow but he can speak in full sentences. he regard himself as ABANG to my sister. like,"Fara abang punya laaaah" and stuff like that.

well, you know.. when i get married with Han, i wanna take good care of my sister and get her everything she wants and need for her. and that is truly my biggest dream.

i felt that my life can be alot of pain and struggle but those are the things that made me stronger to face the world. and thats the reason why i cant handle hurt from the person i truly love. because my childhood was my only happiness. the only time i felt free. even though school was always tough for me. the non stop teasing. my big front teeth. the endless fights. the tomboy and so on. it was hard. but i managed to push thru.

I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.

2009-11-15T00:50:00.001+08:00

"You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are?

You're chicken, you've got no guts.

You're afraid to stick out your chin and say,

"Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to eachother,

because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness."

You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing,"

and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage.

Well baby, you're already in that cage.

You built it yourself.

And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas,

or in the east by Somali-land.

It's wherever you go.

Because no matter where you run,

you just end up running into yourself."

breakfast at tiffany's

2009-11-13T00:17:00.000+08:00

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ITCHY FEET

2009-11-11T13:21:00.002+08:00

below are the places i would love to go when i get married eh lagi 2 tahunnn.

bazaruto mozambique, santorini greece, cancun mexico, amsterdam, nyc, aso farm land japan, maya bay, bora bora, anfield liverpool and dubai.

dude, lets save and travel the world.

2009-11-11T03:56:00.005+08:00

2009-11-11T03:02:00.001+08:00

this is where, i wanna go with you.

to infinity

2009-11-10T19:04:00.002+08:00

i have never encountered a feeling like this. its not jealousy, just plain misunderstanding.

for the fact that i was always the one being scolded in public, humiliated and demoralized makes it unfair for me to accept that you, can be cheerful as a bird with your friends and relatives but with me, you get pissed. what did i do? honestly. im not a good person. i do not pray often nor do i understand anything arabic. but there's this language everyone in this world understand. the only language we were born to understand. the language of love. but you somehow misunderstood the term affection. i was there for you this whole time you just cant see it, cant feel it really. thats what you said. i truly know what you mean. im not someone who express feelings easily. i do things to show my feelings indirectly. i plan stuffs ahead of me. i make things out of my imagination and creativity. i do not know how to judge you by your body language really. because to me, words explains your actions. but for you, action speaks louder than words. so you see.. as much as how different we are, love brought us back together like glue. i dont like jumping to conclusions, thus that explains why i will ask you 1001 questions. not that i dont trust you, but i know somewhere there will be a hidden message. there's no one in this world i adore much. except you. you stole my heart and u hide it far from you. thats why you dont remember the simplest things i did for you, to you and with you. throughout these years with you, the challenges are beyond complex. sometimes, im strong enough to think to let go, but the thought of losing you kill me instantly. i cannot live without you.

2009-11-10T14:04:00.001+08:00

23 MORE DAYS TO THE BIG 21ST.

dude, seriously?? 21??

2009-11-05T11:53:00.000+08:00

you were there for me. ilysm zeila belo.

2009-11-04T17:22:00.002+08:00

youe are all i have. and im sorry about your mum syg but life have to move on. Alhamdullilah, everything goes well and smoothly. i know you miss her so much syg. i cume tak mampu rasa sebak hati you. and i was being rude to you earlier. you always raise your voice at me. no matter where im at. i understand you stressed up things like this happen since you're the only one mama and ayah have. and you have to settle everything now. im helpless because you dont seem to need any of my help. nor my presence. its hard to see that you can talk to others when i was there waiting patiently for you to utter a word to me. but maybe you have your reasons. who knew. ayah you hugged and kissed me and i feel like crying bcos i think he saw how youre treating me when i was there. you're the kind who like to keep evrything inside you and let it eat you alive. pls syg, susah senang you, i nk ikut sama. kan kite dah janji.. thru desert and the sea, thru pain and sorrows, thru thick and thin kite akan bersama. sayang i terhadap you takkan pernah berubah. i cume nk you tahu, walau sekecil mane pun fikiran you fikir kan bende, im always here. and i want to know. ily deeply hanis.

tears

2009-11-03T22:31:00.002+08:00

my eyes hurt.

from crying nonstop since around 7pm till now.

for those who have yet to know, Han's mum passed in the evening today.

Han is not doing okay. and neither am i.

we had breakfast together at his house in the morning. it was our mini-celebration.

got a call from his cousin to be at the hospital a.s.a.p. i knew something was not right. but i nvr showed any emotions, i was pretending to be strong for him. that morning was the best morning ever. we laughed and enjoyed the time being together. han was so manja with me. but then, soon the situation worsen.

Han did not allow me to follow as im having my first day and he is scared something will happen to his mum. i head back home while he cabbed to NUH. that period of time, everything went from happiness to grief. reached home, texted him to tell him that im home and he called.

"Baby, Mama have only an hour with us the doctor told me."

you have no idea what was going thru my mind. i hide my emotions pretty well, i kinda pretend it wasn't a big deal when actually i was panicking inside out. sometimes, i hate myself for being this way. bcos Han will say that ive got some attitude disorder and some shit just because i asked him to visit his mum [without emotions] this past weeks that made him think i wasn't happy about it. which is so frustrating bcos honestly, i am a family-oriented person and he is not. not unless something like this happen. i prayed hard for his mum and thanked those who prayed for her. around 7pm, Han called me crying and stuttering words i don't wish to hear. she left us to be with the Great one. I dont know how to react to that, i cried and wished i could be there with him. I dont know why i keep calling him asking how he was and all. i just want to know.. i mean i need to know cos i care for him, i really do. i cried too much for the fact that i felt less important and it hurts me when he said SEDARE DULU. PLS. [relatives first. pls] like i was there with him everyday, delivering food to him, being there the whole night watch him go to sleep and get up at 430am just to make sure he wasn't late for work and leaving the house when im half awake taking the train while his friends pick him up with a motorbike. and to that extend, i was so sad when he did not update me anything at all. until i had to say harsh things which i dont mean at all. i dont need to wait for his calls or msgs if i dont care about him am i right to say that? the fact is, as much as he is sad right now, im sad too. i cant be there with him i did not seek forgiveness to his mum and my parents were too busy to visit his mum until now. im sorry if ive said some harsh things to you, im sorry for being selfish and im sorry for your loss. ily deeply md munifahanis.

2 years 9 months today.

2009-11-03T01:35:00.005+08:00

1004 DAYS with you.

when you're still 17.

the frequent picnics.

the fights.

the laughters.

and the beyond wilderness.

i miss us.

2009-10-24T04:33:00.001+08:00

without you

2009-10-22T00:56:00.003+08:00

what are your roles as a girlfriend?

i never had to think about this until now. its just unreal. the disputes are getting out of control. people might see us being a happy couple but there are many issues that we are facing and going through which i think make us alot more stronger when this challenge is complete. without these challenges, we won't realize how deeply we are with each other. there are many things that i did that tore us apart. besides having to contact my ex bf just to break up with him at one point of time back then. please, i was breaking down pretty bad. now here goes my dignity. a few months after, i somehow contacted another guy to 'replace' him. and it was truly a disaster. how can you not betray the trust you NEVER gain? and that guy did not even attend NS. he's a big fat liar and he is skinny as a surfboard. well, han forgives me and thats when i learnt he's not gonna ever leave me. its good enough when you know someone who truly loves you, won't ever leave you rather then someone who pretends to love you and then ditch you. truthfully enough, i never thought i won't be forgiven. ever. despite the shit i threw, he still claim i belong to him. i'd never really thought i would do such a disgraceful thing to him. but for those who are close to me, they know the story. it was hard for me at that point when i pledged myself to walk away. but tell me, inside my cracker nut head- im actually very naive. naive to let people's thoughts ruin my relationship. that's when i ran far away from my close friends. im not saying they're not good friends, but somehow your heart really feel something others don't. i am now officially lack of confidence with myself and my capability. to love-actually. my bf is forgiving and pour out his love endlessly to me and i do appreciate it. but his anger and his words could pierce me deep inside so bad. its like a 3 year old who got lost in the woods. i couldn't find any safe spot to hide my feelings. the situation right now is his mum is warded in the ICU. and his dad just collapsed at the hospital lobby in the evening because he hasn't been eating and resting well this past weeks. and han, he is working with the army. its not as easy as it seems. he said, im irritating. and wanted me to leave his house at one point. but i just wanted to be there for him. thru thick and thin. whatever it takes. i brokedown pretty hard just now. im scared i'll lose him. i know i did alot that makes him sad, mad, furious whatsoever. i know im not a good gf. he never said it himself. but im whatever he wants. whatever he dreamed of. i've gotta change somehow. and its not gonna be easy nor would it be a fast transition. im hoping for the best even if it mean not being together. im not gonna hurt him anymore. im just waiting patiently for a miracle to happen. and hopefully, it will change our lives.

2009-10-18T00:51:00.002+08:00

YOU

FUCKEN

BROKE

HE♥RT

& you have no freaking idea that you made me cry.

his was batam.

2009-10-12T03:24:00.004+08:00

2009-10-05T12:50:00.000+08:00

visiting batam this thursday. AGAIN!

destination: Bali

2009-10-01T01:58:00.000+08:00

06.01.2010

2009-09-30T00:03:00.000+08:00

my current obsession

bwarriot steve madden handbag

substance heels

i've got it!!!!!

2009-09-21T11:55:00.000+08:00

0.o

2009-09-14T02:57:00.001+08:00

you gave me the strength to endure.

2009-09-07T00:01:00.001+08:00

yeah. im trying to understand you more.

glad we had that talk.

i love you.

but you need to know, this is the last straw okay.

OWE YOU

2009-09-05T15:39:00.002+08:00

$6070.00

this is how much you said i owe you.

and then you let me go.

good to know 32 months in this

relationship is all about the money.

2009-09-04T00:08:00.002+08:00

you have been my bestest friend.

the one i seek to everytime im having problems with family.

but to know that you said harsh things to me, makes me realize you're no longer that person i look up to.

where can i hide my bruises?

how i conceal it?

should've listened to my friends, the one who were there before you entered my life and pamper me with all the good things money can buy.

what do you expect in return?

love? damn. no way.

ive been treated the worst possibly can be. by who?

you, yes mister, you.

yeah, the good side people see of you.

the good pictures we took, what does it mean to you?

even if i laugh with you for two seconds, im happy as be.

because i know the next thing will be not a laughing matter.

trurth is, do you see this coming?

you becoming so rowdy?

rude. childish. harsh as can be.

to who?

to me.

you took away my happiness and trade it with scars.

and you said you wanna marry me.

for what?

to see me hurt?

to see me cry?

and bleed all over the house?

to strangle me?

to push me as hard as you could push?

im not humiliating you right now.

no one is gonna take action anyways.

but you, you do all that to me in public.

in the train, my OWN house, in front of my friends...

just to show who's boss.

i told myself, to go. the moment you did something bad to me.

but to think that it will get better tomorrow, i endured the pain today.

so whats next?

ive tried so many times to go, but you pulled me

threatened me in EVERY WAY you can.

whatever, whenever.

its all about the money you said i owe you.

KAU NAK JALAN FREE FREE PER??

mane boleeeeiiii.

thats what you torment me with.

everyday, i ask myself.

why am i still here?

for the stuffs you bought me?

yes.

but i dont ask for it.

really. think back. all i ever said was...

EH LAWAKAN BAJU NIE...

and then, THIS IS FOR YOU BABY.

i appreciate it. but you dont have to buy me stuffs to see me smile yknow.

yeah and in the end when we fight all the things you want it back.

good. take it.

you cannot accept the fact, im going to leave.

still persuading.

you took the candy away from me and still wanna hang around me.

what is it with you?

its not my fault your ex gf left you on your birthday at swensen's with a birthday card and a green swensen's balloon.

its not my fault she dumped you for another guy.

its not US, the girls that create the problem at one point.

please wake the fuck up.

you're paranoid, you make me paranoid.

possessive, love hurting me, thinks you're better than anyone else.

please.

stop it.

my heart sank

2009-09-02T03:57:00.003+08:00

mr sunshine was hiding all day today

the cold wind blows

chill and cold

i snug myself with my white fluffy quilt

exciting new day

with friends i effing adore

laughters filled my heart

love was all around us

something catches these pair of eyes

something out of my mind

loved it

and will get it

lets flip to page 143

[if you know what that mean]

the love chapter

imy

dearly

how can i be so sure of something?

leaving?

tell me

suddenly, i feel so cold

and lonely

were you thinking of me?

2009-08-27T13:24:00.000+08:00

how can i vanish?

2009-08-23T15:52:00.002+08:00

sunday.

woken by the bright sun ray streaming through my bedroom window.

and with mum standing at my door screaming my name ferociously.

dude... chill lah, its like only 1pm.

and mum raises her voice louder.

darn it.

i hate unfinished dreams.

just as i was about to open my eyes real slow,

i heard ASSALAMUALAIKUUUUM.

[peace be upon you]

loud and clear.

my 8 years old cousin and his 10 years old brother dashed into my room.

here we go [i whisper to myself]

the first question to them was, ❝Where's your mum?❞

haha. because my cousins are little devils.

very much.

and the first thing they touch was my HAMBURGER phone.

and making the eating sound.. AMAM MAM MAM.

okay, like it was suppose to sound that way! [roll eyes]

haha.

the smaller cousin kept pestering his mum to buy him YO-YO.

but his mum said its expensive.

and he shouts and screams like a girl.

so i kidnapped him from my living room to my bedroom and gave him 10 bucks and ask him to buy it later.

without looking at me, he snatched the 10 dollar bill.

haha. small kids. i pulled his arm and tell him to thank me. ahaha.

oh im not abusing him alright!

im making him learn.

oh and yes, they are somehow afraid of me and my siblings.

just cause my family is the closest to theirs.

mind you, lucky they did not bring the other 2 bigger boys.

yebb, 4 boys from my aunt!

13,12,10 and 8.

the other 2 is somehow well-bhaved rather than this 2.

not comparing.

i dont know why even though they are afraid of me when they make mistakes, they still stick with me like glue whenever, wherever!

and i feel that its a good thing compared to my other cousins who obvi cannot be bothered.

heh.

so there. awakening sunday.

pfft. breaking fast with Han later bfore he goes back to Tekong.

and imma cab home.

and my 2nd brother already passed his driving license.

now he's got class 2B, 2A and 3

same goes to my eldest brother.

and mine...

still stuck at FTT.

but i took automatic transmission.

waiting for my income to handle that. ahaha.

so yeah, i still have yet to accomplish alot of things right now.

and im not gonna do things half-way.

same goes to my 31 months of hope with you.

i♥u

2009-08-22T17:59:00.001+08:00

gotta have this! please!!!

2009-08-22T05:35:00.001+08:00

it is a month of fasting for muslims around the globe from sunrise to sunset.
It is not only about fasting from food, its about being good, moral peace keeping people. More importantly, it is a bout a spiritual purification that comes from being deprived of the basic necessities of life in order to appreciate the blessing bestowed upon us, and to realize that there are people worse off, and that it is our duty to aid them. It can be seen as a detoxification period that trains the body and mind to hopefully be the best one we can be.

So I wish you all without exception ..
(muslims, christians, jews.. every life form on earth)
رمضان كريم Ramadan Kareem.
May we come out of it as better versions of ourselves.

(Salam. Peace)

2009-08-21T02:43:00.002+08:00

Had this.

[but got stolen in Thailand; don't ask!]

got this. and brought it everywhere with me.

bought this.

[still with a friend who hasn't return it]

now I WANT THIS. found it!

[but the money is somehow not in my pocket. pfft.]

and i need a new DSLR.

i think i lost my photo mojo already.

sad; i know.

2009-08-21T01:56:00.005+08:00

First off he surprised me with this

and then this

and finally this

after the surprises, we watched this

funny and sad at the same time. im glad he likes the movie bcos he dont really fav chick flicks.

heh.

and then we went Lau Pa Sat to have a big dinner.

with stomach filled, we cabbed home.

Reason behind all the surprises:

I wanted the converse high cut in red, said it was too common so he bought me the ADIDASSLER's
Saw it in Seventeen mag, told him it looks cute. The next thing i know, he presented me the Matthew Langille CreART swatch edition
Been finding the JUNO cheeseburger phone like forever, finally... he saw it and bought it for me
Only one shop that sells these rare earstuds. The same shop he bought my MAKE SHIT HAPPEN earstuds. Only one person will wear these, and im that one person. Heh.
Okay this one, he chose himself. but i loooooved it!

oh he also bought me the IDIOT tee from MOP.

hee hee.

can't wait to wear it and hear people call me idiot.

baaaaah!

i had a blast with you tonight and 3 more weeks to P.O.P! please recover soon beloved Han!

heart you.

2009-08-16T05:37:00.004+08:00

sometimes. i just wanna give up. there is always something about me that will make him either cry or mad about. i wonder if im the one he deserves. like really. in bad times like this, things can actually be crappy. 6 days of not meeting him, of worrying sickk about him, of not hearing his voice then suddenly, fight like there's no tomorrow. fight as if his muscle was never torn. i rushed straight to CGH [Changi General Hosp] to see you to reach bfore your parents do and you're telling me i don't appreciate you. if i were you, i think twice bfore saying that to me. but nvm, i bottled it up. you did not even once notice that whenever you raise your voice i kept silent. because deep down i know you don't mean to do that. because you said you would do nothing to hurt my feelings. if i ever done something to you, i apologize. a plain sorry with the ikhlas face will make me melt already. but yours.... well, no comments.

why i still wanna be with you?

simple.

i would never leave until you give me the perfect answer

why i should.

hint: you'll never gonna get that perfect answer. so just shut up and love me like you mean it.

i♥u

2009-08-12T01:13:00.003+08:00

the phone is dead.

i miss you so much can?

masterplan

2009-08-11T11:56:00.008+08:00

1. The Knot

2. The Nest

3. The Bump

Han and I is in the process of planning all of this. Yes, all of this needs time and money and what not. Obviously there will be hard times and mostly good times when all this happens. We are both equally ready for this. He is my soulmate. Thru thorns and hurricanes, he will still be there for me. All Im trying to say is leave this to the great one. He knows what is best for us. I love the way Han plan all this with me. He is really into it. Which I find it kinda cute. I bet Han's gonna be an awesome dad to my child/children. Kids just love him like as though they are attracted to him. Its so effing cute. So pray for me my dear friends. I am hoping for this dream to come true.

And this is how I fall in love; Passionately

only with that boy over in Tekong in the jungle fighting with insects and wild boars.

crazy bitches

2009-08-07T13:27:00.004+08:00

the fun we had in one day.

2009-08-03T12:25:00.003+08:00

its actually our 31st. hahaha. i forgot we celebrated our 30th last month. hehe. well, i had lotsa fun with him and as promised. the champagne, the fruits, the sinful chocs, and the food.

two years seven months of hard truth and lovely memories. lets keep this going shall we? count the days we're gonna get hitched. count the days to it baby. i love you more and more and hopefully 5 weeks later after your BMT, you're gonna change those habits that made me cry and fell sick. i just care bout you more. i just wanna grow old with you no matter how tough its gonna be. you're still my sexy boyfriend 40 years from now.

eye-love-eeew

IrnaMolly

2009-07-31T14:58:00.002+08:00

under the stars.

champagne.

chocolates.

strawberries.

blankets.

cigarettes.

for our 30th month of being together.

let's keep this going.

i love you baby.

[celebrating in advance bcos 3rd August he will be in camp.]

IrnaMolly

2009-07-30T01:01:00.003+08:00

utterly disappointed with you today. and yesterday and the day before. yes, its not the first time [well i hope you realize this] that you do this to me. keep me waiting eagerly. in the end its four in the morning when you call me. how tough can army be? really bad until you forget me? really bad that dialing my number is so complicated for you? you promised me. you would wait for me when i get home. you promised me you will reply my text. you promised me that you would call. and end up, 4am you call me with the sentence;

"Baby, I am so sorry bout yesterday. _____[insert reason here]_____.

I have to go now. Im having __[insert training activity here]___now and my sergeant is yelling. I love you I miss you baby you takmo naughty naughty. Bye"

I appreciate that ONE minute call from you every now and then. But if its your admin time, why can't you talk to me like we used to when you first got in? Why now when its crucial for me to talk to my BF about how stressed I am about school or home. People say I am lucky to have you that will call me from time to time not like their bf's. I'd say I am not. Im just lucky that he would call me every transition he have for ONE-TWO minutes respectively which is accumulated to be the amount of time that they talk to their bf's at night during admin time. Which I would say about a total of 6 minutes or later. That is if they aren't tired whatsoever.

I just feel ever so neglected by you nowadays. I totally understand your situation in army right now but what? Was I suppose to talk to the wall or something??? I miss you. I mean I miss you when you call me soon after you receive a miss call from me which is before national service take you away from me. I miss you when you would be woken by my texts at 3am in the morning. But why not now? Well, it frustrates me when I could hear your phone PULSE-TONE thus you didn't answer it. I expect at least a HELLO from the other end of the line you see. Sigh. It doesn't matter anyways I guess. Im trying my best to hold on to you.

*Throws a tin can at you* IM HERE HANIS. IM HERE. CAN'T YOU FEEL MY PRESENCE??

Irna Molly

2009-07-29T01:39:00.001+08:00

to lose something good is to gain something even better.

and that's how i like it.

2009-07-22T02:55:00.003+08:00

20 July 1997

My sister was born. She is 6 months pre-matured.

Weighing 888 gram and her right brain wasn't fully developed.

Size of my dad's palm and was in the incubator for 2 months.

Imagine the bill that my parents hafta pay.

She has Cerebral-Palsy.

When my mama broke the news to me, I did not cry nor was I happy bout it.

But I tried my best to accept the reality.

I went to special school camps justa understand how to accept someone like her.

I was upset,

Because one year before her birth, my mama had a baby boy in her belly.

Miscarriage that is. Umbilical cord stuck on his neck.

I always wanted a younger brother.

Dad was washing the plates after dinner when the plate he was holding cracks exactly in the middle of the porcelain plate.

My mama was screaming.

and I, saw fear in my dad's eyes. for the first time.

27 July 1996 was his birthdate.

So when my mama brought home my sister from the hospital, I was relieved.

She look effing cute with the lazy eyes and her petite frame.

I was there when she was learning to stand with my brothers around her.

Years pass us by and she have to go to school.

Margaret Drive Special School was where she made friends of her kind.

But she is always having fits when she daydream.

The meds hafta be fed everyday. Miss one, and thats it.

We were proud of her achievements so far and all that she had been through.

Like the time both her legs had to be operated from her thighs behind her knee joints and her tendons behind her heels area.

My mama did not dare to see her in the operating theatre.

My mama said she was given meds not to feel the pain but she was sobbing in silence.

Tears rolling down her eyes.

It was painful to see her legs have to be casted from the thighs to her toes.

and I bought her a long colorful socks to make it look better for her.

The purpose of the operation is to loosen her tendons because she was walking cross-legged.

and the most painful part is when she hafta take the casts off.

For the first time I felt her pain.

She could not bend her knees due to the 4 months of cast-on.

She was stiff. Me, my mama and my dad could not hold back our tears.

But after months of therapy from school and at home, she learnt to walk holding the railing or the K-walker.

Swimming is her favorite thing to do.

My sister got selected for an event in the Special Olympics.

Wheelchair category 3rd Place.

2 years after that she participated again for the Special Olympics.

This time 50m walk with her K-walker.

Silver Medalist.

She waited for her friend who was behind her and asked him to walk faster.

She wanted to turn back and help her friend.

But she knew she was competing.

The most happiest part is when we were there to cheer for her when she receive the medal.

I cried.

Baby girl, I will take good care of you and I saw your improvements every single day.

I love you no matter how different you are, how you still can't walk independently or how you still can't talk to me like any other kids. But I promise you I will learn all the languages you were taught so that I could talk to you.

You never fail to give me a big tight hug even when you are too tired.

You never fail to make me laugh even when I was weeping.

You are an angel. for mama and ayah and me and abg yan and abg adek.

You opened up our eyes to see that this is far most beautiful than anything in this world just to have you around us.

I wanna grow old with you Ayn.

You are staying with me when I get married.

I love you Baby Girl.

Happy Belated Birthday Fara Insyirah.

20 July 2009

2009-07-22T02:23:00.002+08:00

Just a random thought for today. Well, Ive heard alot of my girlfriends who had gone thru abortion. To me, it is the safest way for a mum NOT to find out about their pregnancy. but think of it. if you can't have a child, like tried and just can't conceive. aint it painful to hear all that? but its their choice i know. totally respect their decision. but there's another word which sounds similar and better for other's to hear. Adoption. yes, the process is dreading and makes you cry all the time thinking about it. look into the bright side of that. better life for your kid, better future, educated and all the positive feedbacks we usually hear. but what if that kid you gave away did not receive the "love" from their adopted parents? im sorry if im scaring you but its reality. thus, you did the right thing. if you cannot afford to raise a kid or parents just disapprove of it. it will be harder than you thought it would. the pain of 9 months and end up you left the baby in someone else's hands to take good care of her. the depart is usually difficult maybe for some. how can we not be emotionally attached to the gift from god? well, it doesn't matter anyways. really for some, aborted more than once. i pity them how they have to face god when they die. and for some who threw their babies away just because you're too scared to face your parents. or if the child turned out to have complications that you could never imagine. its hard to convince parents who kinda forcing love to special children. well, thats us. and how selfish we could be in times like this. i just knew if i get stuck in that kinda situation i would definitely think before i jump into conclusions. so, moral of the story is:

thank god for all that he had planned for us. he gave us choices to be thought before taking actions. and that is plain careless for some people who refuse to stand up for themselves and face the world with their own bare hands. still, people are too stupid to respect you for doing that. but im not proud of it. so babes, please. do not have sex if you clearly know that your bf doesn't have the sense of time and shiokness to release in your toot. peace!

let the children play.

2009-07-21T12:14:00.002+08:00

Im down with a flu and bad cough. Took meds but only "pauses" the flu and coughing for a bit and then they are back to work. So, its been a while since I skate. and I bet the girls are much much better now. I hope the Discolates are still alive though. I hope the tie-dyed shirts they paid for is worn. I just hope we don't fade you know. but even if we are all seperated into different crews, we skate together-eat together and joke around without discrimination. well, we are friendly people yknow. haha. i miss falling and bruising my knees and the adrenaline rush whenever I try doing something "half-heartedly" haha. so I think Im gonna drop by this Saturday at ECP coz I heard there'll be the ESPN thingy. Well, Im just there to see my girls. hahaha. maybe skate a little. so again Im missing Han. Nehmind, only 3 days before he books out again! Im getting married next year. Insya-allah.

2009-07-18T02:17:00.002+08:00

I just baked a marble cake for Han. I promised him and he had no idea that I was even gonna do it since I got back at 10 pm just now. See Baby, told ya I keep you my promises! Doesn't matter if I bake a cake at 1am in the freakin morning coz its all for the LOVVVVE.

iloveyou. cant wait to see you!

2009-07-17T23:35:00.005+08:00

hey people. here's how my day goes.

made bracelets for my sister today and it looks good on her and Rayyan came over in the wee morning at 10 plus today which i was woken up by his drools on my face. thanks eh bibik. so the whole entire morning/noon i did my teaching aid for a group of students which had to be submitted soon to my teacher to examine before i could proceed which is entire fun but tiring. did a ladybug theme for the 5 year olds. so around 3 like that i painted my nails with Han's initials. H.A.N basically haha on both of my hands which is entirely not a wreck as i expected for the right hand ahaha my left hand was shivering when i drew the initials. thought it was okay la. so around 5, Nita came over to cook for the girls to be brought over to Sasha's house for the group discussion. walk walk walk and talk talk talk we reached Sasha's house around 6plus plus. the whole point of proceeding to Sasha's place is because we could smoke in her house haha. and she offered Chivas to us haha. which I clearly declined. See baby, Imma good girl now. the girls also did not have a sip of any alcoholic beverages but the urge was there. can see! ahaha so end up we went into Sasha's room to continue with our project work while 3 others were busy with the pornography in Sha's laptop. haha. horny bitches. but i love them. cracks me up. managed to finish the presentation well atleast only the pictures left to be inserted. other than that its cool. Zeila, Eyn and Nita are freaking Lesbian Porn freaaaaaks! hahaha. so funny to see their reactions. at that point of time i just wish Han was there with me. Suddenly i miss him. total impromptu. i sent Nita to the bustop coz she could easily cry if she's lost yknow. haha. so funny. but i had great time talking to her and the other side of her. now, my throat is killing me. i don't know what happened. its like i keep swallowing my saliva frequently. and i got the feeling MR FLU BUG is attacking me. sidetrack abit yeah- Han is gonna book out at 0930hrs tomorrow so i have to sleep earlier today i don't wanna miss seeing him alighting the wrecked bus from ferry terminal hahahaha. i promised him to bake a cake but i haven't start anything maybe later. haha. well, thats all i guess. i just wanna say to my friends that i am thinking of all of you and just hope you guys are thinking of me too. chalo!

2009-07-15T04:31:00.000+08:00

i heart you tekong boyyyy

2009-07-08T16:12:00.004+08:00

MY TUMBLR

http://spinningjupiter.tumblr.com/

MY UPDATES WILL BE THERE YOU CAN RE-LINK ME BUT IM STILL KEEPING BLOGSPOT

CHERRIOS!

2009-07-06T18:03:00.004+08:00

Rayyan's face is still in my mind right now. I cannot believe his parents care less about him. He's only about 3 months old and his parents apparently are just 17. Shotgun. and they did not get married because the girl's parents did not want her to be married with him. So Rayyan stays with his dad's family. Nobody is at home to play with him. Poor kid. The family's maid became his savior. She cook's and wash clothes with Rayyan on her other hand. I really don't know how she managed that but the kid is in good hands. Rayyan will stop by my house every morning for half an hour or so to play with me and my sister. Everyone loves him here. He don't cry and trusts us cuddling him. and Im so in love with RAYYAN.

موهامماد راييان

irnamolly♡

Thurr-ty Earth Monthsary

2009-07-03T02:15:00.003+08:00

can't wait can't wait for my boy tekong to book out todaaaaay! and i will be able to fetch that boy. so excited to see him at 14oohrs later. bet the plan today is gonna be fun bcosssss....its our thurtyearth month together. i mean hopefully. im sleeping soon so by the time i wake up its like either 1200hrs or 13oohrs. ahah. pardon me if my timing is rather Soldier-ish. my boy tekong habits are stuck on me now. i love it when he says CAN CAN NO PROBLEM but its sometimes annoying. really. like when i asked if he could wait for me at the control station, CAN CAN NO PROBLEM. like when i asked if he could fetch me at my house, CAN CAN NO PROBLEM. okay so well you get the drift lah kan.. its been so long since i took pictures with my boy tekong. i miss those times we walk the D50. and my feet are itching! wanna skate soon learn new tricks i bet the rest of the girls are so far ahead of me. but i am glad they are because i dont wish to have another IVY [if you know what i mean] betrayer.

٠٣٠٧٠٩ [30th month]

so i had a problem with an extended family which does not even bother me at first.

but the fact that they actually have the brain to think,

bothers me now.

i dont wanna get involved too. but if i were you i would make this stop.

sooner or later it will be back to square one.

the hide and seek game again.

whatever; the point is its your family. do something about it.

im your friend and your cousin.

i dont have to make you my enemy.never thought of it too.

so wake up and see that you have a friend like me.

who respects your decision and will always be.

[till when must TOM run after JERRY?]

its hard, i understand.

but i still ♥ ya.

fine by me.

2009-07-02T01:18:00.004+08:00

alrighty.

well today was annoyingly boring except the fact that i get to eat Pastamania for breakfast and my 13 year old cousin got fascinated by MICROSOFT WORDS.

haha i know, he haven't even use it before so I have to help him with his homework which requires alot of pictures and words. Which is tiring cause apparently I did 90 percent of it. So then, I got so bored so i painted my nails dark brown and I am extremely satisfied about it. I forgot I had to study for my 3 hour paper tomorrow which I seriously have not even touched on any NOTES that Susan gave me. Muhfuck.

Han's phone got confiscated while in the middle of an argument. So eventually I tell myself that my 'Battery' is weak so I apologized. Still, he thought I was messaging someone else. and tell me, how am I suppose not to feel upset whenever you say that?

THE ONLY PEOPLE YOU NEED IN YOUR LIFE

ARE THE ONES THAT PROVE THEY NEED YOU IN THEIRS.

Well, its buggin me really when I get left out. I mean yeah I know my boyfey is a little uptight but that doesn't mean you guys don't need to ask me out yknow.

Its the thought that counts.

Yeah whatever, I don't mind cause I tried my best to help them when in need and when they're problems are solved, I'd become the driftwood.

Like I don't expect that coming.

*roll eyes*

thats why it is so hard for me to be friends with girls.

but too bad, like any other guys.... I fell in the infamous bogus trap.

i don't need you to judge my bf. really.

lucky me, i never took your advise.

see how strong Im still am with him.

That my friend, is TRUST.

and the only friends I have right now is

me, myself and i.

p/s: doesn't really matter to you anyways. go enjoy your life people. I KNOW I AM.

Im sorry.

2009-06-26T02:17:00.002+08:00

takpe lah baby, i understand you ade test. but i just nak you tahu. i nk you i nk you i nk you.

and i will go home with my bunk mates and their girlfriends so dont worry. i'll pick you up at tanjong pagar around 830pm.

i feel so bad right now that this is happening. i cant delay the test. the timing is fixed.

but its only for about 15 minutes and then im yours for the whole night baby.

im figuring out a way to make you smile without seeing me.

at least skejap aje.

i do aware that this is your first book out.

and its very upsetting sia.

but i planned something for him:

asked jufri [his bestest friend slash 'brother'] to help me pick him up.

cause Han is upset that no one is picking him up from Pasir Ris.

jufri is closest to han right now so i thought maybe that will light him up for a bit.

and i really appreciate what jub is trying to do.

i just hope it will be a pleasant surprise to see someone he knows waiting for his arrival.

atleast on my behalf.

thanks eh jub.

its harder for me not picking you up when you talk to me on the phone every night. making everyone in your bunk know that you love me.

i cant sacrifice this even for a bit. i would if i could. but no.

its very critical when we collide baby.

im so sorry.

ONE.

2009-06-25T02:27:00.002+08:00

Baby gave me a bad news. His Tekong Camp got the H1N1 virus but not his company. The new batch of recruits got quarantined for 3 weeks. Apparently they were at The Butter Factory about 4 days ago and he falls sick so yeah... I just hope the rest of the men can be released. I mean I really pray for that! So then the good news is that maybe the SAF carnival will be cancelled so I would be seeing him straight!! yay! and plus his company is the first section so earlier to book out. omg i so can't wait for that really though i have school that day. And we planned everything already for the day so everything is cool and hopefully the H1N1 thingy in camp wont destroy our plans. Baby is dead beat tired. He told me he is having headache due to running in the rain just now.. Stupid Sergeant ordered them to do the run. Kesian bebeh I.

I have this funny story. Im laughing already. We fought over the phone just now and he texted,

IM SORRY LAH BABY, IM A JERK I GUESS...

[tau puuun] dalam hati cakap.

replied him, YOU TU LURUS BENDUL.... BUKAN JERK.

LURUS BENDUL PUN LURUS BENDUL LAH BABY...IM SORRY SYG I LOVE YOU.

ILYTOO.

funny because i could imagine his expression when he said that. with his head like the typical indian shake head. haha. baby i nih cute uhhh. kekek-ism.

i love him to the maximum bridge of life. *kening naik2*

2009-06-24T18:14:00.002+08:00

y.o.u a.n.d e.y.e

2009-06-23T02:50:00.001+08:00

my one and only.

future teachers.

2009-06-23T02:41:00.004+08:00

believe this.

we're all gonna take care of your kids.

the number 3

2009-06-23T01:43:00.002+08:00

For those girls whose bfs went in army on the 12 of June 2009,

here's to you guys.

After 2 weeks of waiting patiently,

only three days left until we get to amorously hug our dark botak soldier.

that i would call: Baby Come Back To Me Day.

hee hee hee.

So then again, Im gonna do some shopping tomorrow with Nita.

apparently, my baby yearns for a new shirt.

so im getting him one.

but since he said his muscles 'grew',

i got the feeling S will be so sempit for his armpit.

kwang kwang kwang.

oooh, sexaaay.

him: Baby, I bought for you something from E-MART tau.

me: Huh? You beli ape?

him: singlet ARMY size XS. [slumber je]

me: *cracks up* haha you horny eeehhhh..

him: *shy giggles* taaaak laaaah...

that was hilarious lah. oh and there's one incident

that makes me laugh but at the same time upset.

Were talking on the phone half past nine,

me: Baby you gimme a second okay

him: okay

*changing my hp from left ear to the right ear*

me: Okay dah. So sayang, tadi you cakap ape?

him: -silence- *4seconds wait*

me: hello? b... [background: bunk mates voices]

me: helloooooooo??

okay i guess he might be too tired.

*i waited for a few seconds*

[background: his snore]

me: -_______-" *gonna cry*

its so funny how a millisecond can make one tired soldier sleep.

hee hee hee.

but i totally understand his routine in there.

so i dont make a fuss about it.

texted him the usual

Good Night Sweet Dreams Baby

Ily, Imy

*flying kisses*

usually i know he would call me 430 in the morning to apologize.

haha.

and he did.

never fails to say TUI PHU CHI.

argh, gotta go and sleep now.

tomorrow is school day.

and im gonna have my nails done for him too.

Three DAYS to Baby Come Back To Me DAY.

nite-nite.

you.

2009-06-17T16:25:00.008+08:00

[this pic was taken 4 minutes before you left me]

nine days left.

to hug you

to kiss you

to hold you

nine days left.

to have dinner with you

to finally see you

to laugh with you

nine days left.

to spend 2 and a half days with you

before your bloody sergeant

calls you to fall in the bloody boot camp.

i miss you.

killer.

2009-06-14T14:35:00.002+08:00

date to look forward to: 26 june 2009.

day one

2009-06-13T00:35:00.002+08:00

day one:

it doesnt feel right, they took away our boys and make us wait 2 years for them

does this has gotta do with patience?

or are they just experiencing war?

or maybe cheat death-for some.

early morning breakfast with you was serene

the talking makes us feel happy

for some reason

while waiting for the bus at woodlands,

you said something i would never forget

dont worry ni sekejap aje.

what ever happen you know you sorang je i sayang sepenuh hati.

if i could stop time, i'd freeze it right there.

you let 2 buses pass you and your time

yet, its not enough for us to say goodbye.

the moment you stood up to give me a big hug and a kiss on my forehead,

i cry and whine like a baby

BABY PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME NOW.

but you pushed me away and told me

its okay sayang i will call you everyday.

i heard your voice, you wanna cry

im crying so hard that my throat hurts

why now?

when i need you the most.

im missing you now.

i hope your first day is fine

and now its hard for me to hold back my tears

i guess 20 days is all that matters.

take care big boy

i love you

my words

2009-06-12T02:31:00.002+08:00

i wish you wont have to go.

but this will be such prove you are born to be a man.

there are some things i think you wouldn't wanna hear.

im gonna scream my lungs out when you're not here.

Im tearing apart and hoping not to cry

but can't help it, without you i might just die.

im trying to see this as a phase.

when a man is taken away from his madame.

songs of wars are going thru my head.

i just don't know why im feeling this way.

i promise you one thing and only this.

i wont do such silly mistakes again.

why oh why

must you go away

and leaving me feeling all sad no play.

han riley is who im talking about

and this boy

soon

will become

a man.

p/s: i wanna let you know that the necklace you give me will be the only be the guardian to my bitterdreams.

i love you.

blurts

2009-06-09T14:05:00.006+08:00

My friend from Batam texted me just to tell me she miss me. Sweet. Says she wont forget me. Now im wondering if my best friends are doing fine or not. and that we hardly meet anymore. being the closest to me is Wanny. but guess she's busy with things lately. well anyways, class starts at 630 today so i still have about 4 hours to chill. 4 hours don't seem forever anymore. my sims 3 is killing all the time i have. sometimes i dont even know when to stop eventhough my eyes are carrying 'dumbells' already. haha. so today's post is random and i know nobody reads my blog so... just wanna tell myself that my sister is screaming now that she's hearing and watching Barney on teevee. haha. hope you guys have a jolly nice day today and always bring a jacket wherever you go. Apparently GOD knows whoever didnt take their shower in the morning. Be prepared you smelly people.

I Heart Han.

That's Thambi and Kembang.

the ball is rolling

2009-06-06T13:02:00.007+08:00

Went to school yesterday and the lecturer had to go off early as she gotta see her doc. Her voice is so husky and we couldnt hear her that clear so she decided to end the class earlier. but we still had to watch the video for group discussion. There's much to learn about kids 0-8 years old and trust me, its really exciting at the same time stressing because its so fastpaced and the only people to rely on are the makciks opposite me. hehe. i mean when i get lost i ask them for directions. eh makcik makcik in my class rocks okaaay. very up to date.
so then as usual Han picks me up from school at 930pm and this time he surprises me with birkenstock. and SIMS 3. and 6 pair of earrings which is abosolute beauty.

After the long walk to town we decided to catch Hannah Montana at 1225am. I mean i love to watch this kinda movies because i love observing their clothing and style. same goes to iCarly,Wizards of the Waverly Place, Zoey 101... bla bla bla. and funny, the people in the same theatre are all grown ups. i mean really 21yrs and above age group. haha. and i thought im the only one crazy over Hannah/Miley. teehee. The movie is great and its 2hrs plus and really a waking up moment kinda thing.

and plus....

TRAVIS IS SO CUTE!! AND HIS VOICE, AND HIS SMILE

AND AND THE WAY HIS HAIR JUST KINDA FALLS TO PLACE...*melting*

haha, look below and you know what i mean.

by the way his name is Lucas Till fyi.

but still, this guy right here looks hotter.

okay well bye now.

playing the Sims 3!!!

29 monthversary

2009-06-04T00:22:00.004+08:00

HELLLLOOOO PEEEOPPLLLEEE.

As early as 11am we met each other today.

Went Clementi to fix Han's aunt new flatscreen teevee and then by four we're out of the house to celebrate this.

So, destination: Town.

To be honest with you guys, i hate walking at town. people tend to watch others dressings and stuffs.

Not us.

Haha. My hair is new. Its a mohawk. Sadly, we didn't get to snap pictures because apparently we had so much fun laughing our ass of that we forgot about taking pictures.

First stop Birkenstock. Wheelock. Han wants to buy himself a pair of sandals but mission failed. His size is too common for human being. Hahaha. Sorry, Out of stock. Said the CHINA lady.

Then off to Zara and 'survey' clothes. Look at the price of that singlet. Blardy 30plus.

Same material at Cotton On 2 for 20. Mafakas.

Took a top, check the price, put em back. pfft.

Next, went down Heeren to find ourselves something for each other.

Han bought 2 new pair of undies.

So gayish that the moment we went out of 'heaven' we were laughing out loud.

Finding a top for myself is hard. Basically because I hate wearing what others are wearing.

and look at the tops they're selling. Too cliche.

In the end, Han boughtme a butterfly top from Queen's Couture. Its by MONDAY.

Simplicity is the best policy. heh.

Had our dinner at TCC. Too full to take in anymore haha.

Best part: Han surprised me with a 14k white diamond necklace by Goldheart. fourhundredoverworth.

I was like, MAFAKING TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

and then it was Troy Bolton's scene helping Gabriella wear the necklace he gave her.

Yup.

I was astounded by the surprise really.

It was beautiful. Prettylicious.

makes me miss him more because his serving NS this 12 june.

Soon after the 'drama' we went Cineleisure to search for other stuff. But nothing caought our eyes.

Back to Centrepoint to find Birkens but the shop is CLOSED.

sigh.

Han bought me a pants from Esprit. The long pants he owe me.

[he borrowed my pants and i couldnt wear it anymore because the waist band is loose.]

Then, stopped by skatepark to see whose there, chill abit but no one except for Dil, Jeremy and Chris.

9.30pm, thought of heading home but rushed to catch The Conspiracy.

Recommended to watch really its good. and thinkable. ahaha.

11.30pm, took a puff before cabbing home.

So there you have it, my 29th month with Han.

School however, is rather stressing. Fast-paced.

But learning about children and their development amazes me. I love it.

I love children and this is my dream to pursue in this line.

Someday, I'll own a childcare centre.

Nite everyone.

whats in my mind.

2009-06-03T13:26:00.006+08:00

samantha potter

100th Post

2009-05-23T03:54:00.004+08:00

In exactly 20 days I will have to say GoodBye to sweet darling Han who will be going thru National Service at Pulau Tekong. Three months without Darla will definitely be tough for me. For the reason that he is my bestfriend and gone thru every single shit hole with me; trust me, sometimes I feel I can't do something simple without him.
In exactly 802 days Han is going to ask me to marry him. He oathed on that. I have started planning a few of the things that I want for our 'day' which is likely to be 3rd August 2011. Insyallah. In exactly 3 days time, I will be back sitting in a classroom full of young-adults at Learning Capital.

Blading was fun today everyone was having a blast balls! Learning a new trick (sunny day) scary but i wanna try land it. Im crying as Im typing this because I just can't help it knowing that Han is not gonna be with me in twenty days time. I don't want anything to happen to him because he's a tough guy outside but inside he is totally different. I am sure he will make great new friends and laugh his ass off with his new mates. I'd be happy for that. Really. All Im asking for is him not leaving his prayers. and let this 3 months be a blessing for us to calm down and wait for the right time to get married. All Im asking from Han is to be himself and enjoy every minute of NS life which absolutely be an enlivening story for our kids.

As for the wedding, I really hope it would happen. Words cannot describe this feeling whenever Im with you. and I look forward to all of this.
I HEART HAN.

Always For You

2009-05-12T10:37:00.003+08:00

In the air I flew
Through the clouds I fall
Through the country I've walked
In front of temples I've stood
Before the ocean I pray
And I said your name
In the air I flew
Through the clouds I fall

And all the things I've tried to say
Were never easy to explain
They were always meant for you

And all the memories that were made
For years and years I've chased this day
They were always for you
Always for you

In the air I breathe
Through the clouds I see
Through the cities I've walk
In the castles I dreamed
On the mountain I climb
When I call your name
In the air I flew
Through the clouds I've fell
And all the things I've tried to change
Were never easy to contain
They were always meant for you(always for you)
And all the memories will never fade
For years and years
In my heart you'll stay
It was always for you
Always for you Always for you

And all the pieces that remain
They will build a place for us to stay
They were always meant for you(always for you)

And all the chances that we take
For years and years
We'll have this place
They were always for you
Always for you

cinta.

2009-05-08T01:49:00.002+08:00

i hurt you. real bad.
you still forgive me.
for what ive done, and the messages i sent.
though you crossed over the line this time, you managed to end it.
im glad you did.

there are many things life, love and fate didn't tell us.. time.
its unpredictable. and sometimes ruthless.
makes you go nuts.
and ballistic.
still, we overcame all that. and nobody could see us being here again.
but we did.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you, on the other hand.
gave me all the advice in this world.
telling me reasons why he's bad.
didn't you see, your love life is much worst than mine.
well atleast he came begging to be with me not letting to let go.
you, gave up too easily though you told me endless times that you're not the one.
yeah right.
if i were you, i'd fight to be with that someone i love.
which i tried doing.
you never see it coz all you do is bad mouthing him.
fair enough.
say all you want. but i bet you,
if you're in his shoes.. you'll walk away from me.
thankful enough that im a bitch and don't listen to advise. so you left.
there.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
like you, he helped someone in need too.
when you need help, he was there.
when you need opinion, he gave you his thoughts.
why can't you see that he's not that bad?
is it because i told you everything he did to me?

is it because you hate him?

is it because he's annoying you whenever he quarell with me?

because well at least, he finds someone he thought would help him when he's down.

but no.

you left him hanging. struggling to find me.

dont tell me you're siding me.

because i didn't even see you're on my side.

by my side yes. not on my side.

like you, he's having the same problem.

but you just can't see that can't you?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

for now, i dont care what people are gonna say. not even you.

all i care is he fogives everything i done wrong and he apologizes to me frankly.

so i guess i would love to get away or drift from you people.

and be happy with the one person who loves me, more than you.

|||||

2009-05-07T02:44:00.005+08:00

iheartyoutekongboyyyyy

lightning bolt.

2009-04-07T03:16:00.012+08:00

suddenly the word FAMILY struck me.

hellemok

fb-ys

oliver

han, shaa and ein.
(the siblings)

cam whore is in their genes.

belang and tam

dad, adik(my 2nd brother) and mum

cousin in jb.

my closest cousins.

atok mak, nasha sebok ,meeot gemok and atok abah.

nenek peace.

my cousin in jb having toothache.

eeka.

al-baqir and nasha.

cousins.

the jb cousins.

lady bosses. hahaha.

the band.

the kids i babysit.

my sister.

the funny siblings.

nasha flirts with han.

meet nasha.

the lesbians.

mak, cik ed and wife with han.
(han's family)

cik nani.
(han's aunt)

fahim.

the discolates.

nasha. tak habis habis.

ite yishun fb.

not forgetting, GIRL.

have to.

2009-04-06T02:05:00.003+08:00

my 26th monthsary present from Han.
He made the skates to be delvered on the 3rd of April to surprise me.
and infact, he did.
though he's been shoouting at me this past days and i've fallen sick due to the weather and because Han didn't got me the Oasis tickets so he bought me this 600clams plusplus
VALO JJ1 CUSTOM DYED SKATES.
psyched!

and red white blue is most favourable.

i love you.

CHOPE-THIS

2009-03-14T01:07:00.000+08:00

Support me at
www.chope-this.blogspot.com

just another post.

2009-02-22T12:39:00.003+08:00

Well, yesterday by far was my first ever longest soul grind.
Interesting because I keep banging my knee till its bruised and I almost cry because damn!
That really hurt. But then again, bruises usually makes us gain confidence.
Confident that you wont hit the same part or never intend to.
Kate Aggressive skater. heh.
Thank you for your endless training sayang.
And, of course to Pretzel Legs and Unkle Jatt.
Thanks for NOTICING that my butt sticks out too much thats why I can't balance.
Now I know.
Haha.

So then, we ate KFC and as usual,
if I wasn't there ordering somehow COLESLAW confirm takde.
and fyi, I eat my mashed potato together with MR COLESLAW
that SOMEBODY changed it with CHEESE FRIES and then denied that it was his idea. hmmph!
I swear I wish I could slap his face. but SAYANG you thats why never slap if noooooot..
if you guys are wondering why I can't just change it back, well. ..
Firstly, 'Baby you wait outside I buy then we chao to skatepark eat there'.
Secondly, I carried the heavy stuffs with my skates on and he said I was panicking him.
Because I was holding his hand too tight.
Good God! If I can skate VERY VERY VERY well, I wont even need your hand lah baby!
Somemore the many many people.
BUT NVM. I FORGIVE YOU.
oh oh btw, yessa! I get the GST stuff sia.
Totally Unexpected.
Haha. OKB.
But again, Im still searching for the enemy. (JOB)
JUST so my mama wont have to fork out money for me because 21 is sooo uncool.
Alhamdullilah. Well atleast I get to almost feel how 21 is like
and Thanks To God for being there with me.

RANDOM STUFFS

The Skate People

Han & Me

Naya & Umar

my masterpiece

my room

The Late Post

2009-02-17T12:58:00.002+08:00

I gave HAN a special scrapbook with all our pictures then and now and he kindda looved it. Told his friends and even my brother about the scrapbook, and honestly I'd never thought a guy would go bonkers over a scrapbook. Haha. But I love his reactions. Funny and flattering. So we spent Vday on the beach with the Discolates. Played American Football and Frisbee like doggy. Swim for abit and then off to Vivo to chill and played some stupid game and the forfeit is tissue paper. Ohhh you thought it was nothing but you have to stuff tissues under your lips, in your nose and in the ear. I know very very funny if you see the pictures. Haha. I will upload it pretty soon.

OOH and we got Strawberry Cheeseshake at B&J. OOH and another thing, Vday is all on me and Han didnt fork out any and that is another achievement for Vday! Woooots!!!

chin up.

2009-01-21T02:35:00.002+08:00

Ive gotta be honest with you, I miss those times we hung out together and the jokes we laughed about and sarcasm is definitely our thing. Hate it much when you were too close to some other person because apparently yes, I consider myself selfish. But baby, look at how close we could have been now. and how far apart we are right now. The gap is filled with emptiness or could have been just repelling for us to be closer to each other. I would love to have you here with me, sit down with me, laugh with me, cry with me like we used to. I would even be happy to have you for just 4 minutes yknow. I hate it when you didnt call me to say hi. and that I was the one thinking about you for all I care because you, are my friend. A friend I enjoy being with. Slumber parties and cooking sessions were all fun. I hate it when I call you and you're having a problem. Not that I don't wanna listen, I would- you know me. But because its unfair. Unfair partially because I called not to hear your sad voice over the tele but I somehow know where this is going. Help you solve the problem, give some piece of advise and then we're on our back to being separated. Now you tell me. If I am your friend would you do that to me? Nevertheless baby, Im always here for you. always. So keep that chin up and smile because you have the most prettiest smile ever and only I can see that. I don't really care if you were living your life but me, I would remember you and will be thinking of you, stick up for you and hug you even if you smell like stale fish. you know that.
I love you girls and do take care of yourselves.

a little note for eeka.
Baby, just let it go. Hate it when she makes you sad. and honestly she disgust me.
Boys are waiting for you. Go mingle and have fun, go live your 19th year happily.
I love you. and please catch up soon.
I MEAN IT.

XOXO

for the belated pictures.

2009-01-13T23:44:00.007+08:00

clouds we love

beauty

like whoa

LAYS!

Im always the joker. Hur hur.

Hungry people.

The swimming lesson.

Lovebirds.

Dreading Dreads!

Bird's eggs. Looove em.

My sexy boyfriend.

Morning Ciggie.

Late night drinks.

my sexy boyfriend part 2

The half naked boys and 3 quart naked Amad

The Thai Massagers!

4 HOUR ferry ride does this to ya.

Dragon Hut view

Kemaruk Nak Naik Plane People.

add me at FaceBook to see tons more.

thailand.

2009-01-07T13:26:00.002+08:00

Im back from Thailand and got my hair done. I was having a blast there partying at the Full Moon Party and psy-trance is my shit. heh. took tons of photos but I cant upload it all here i will just take the 'ímportant' pictures. hehe. We stayed over Phuket Backpackers Hostel for a night, Then to Surathani transit to Koh pangan which took us a 4 hours ferry ride. So altogether, from Phuket to Surathani about 10 hours then the ferry ride. Stayed at Dragon Hut in Koh pangan and The Twin Towers Hotel at Bangkok. Visited Kaosan Rd, MBK, Chatuchak and Pratunam Night Market. So total of about 1000 plus plus of overloading pictures which captured every moment of our excitement! heh. Will upload pictures really soon alright.

swoosh.

2008-12-25T01:04:00.002+08:00

Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't going away. -elvis

i was hoping to make things right though sometimes its something very wrong. i've been cruel to my loved one all this while and i am praying to make things go the right way. everyone have feelings. nobody can be nice and sweet cause anyone can be a evil. expressing yourself yes, its vital. it is also art. just when you thought things go the right path, it skidded leaving you two choices. a) risk it b) leave it. you my friends, lead your life well cause you might never know how far you can go. and how far you can achieve. don't just follow what is ahead of you. learn, take others mistakes and put the pieces together. you might be surprise with the change you're making. and by doing so, you will feel much much better. don't turn back and regret . in-fact, turn back and smile because you have gone thru all that. life is never difficult it is us who chose to make it hard. like a friend once told me, whatever problems we're solving, there are others whose problems are much tougher to solve than ours. my friends, i am glad to have all of you with me and i am grateful to have known you guys, be it close or just mutual. and Han, you are someone i could never find. heart you deep deep.

night.

one two one with Han.

2008-12-16T13:28:00.008+08:00

Went to have dinner with Han at the airport yesterday. We talked about us alot and how we can improve our relationship. I mean really its helping us calm down. We could be harsh at each other sometimes but yknow everyone will have to go thru that phase. So after that we met the rest at Farrer Park to where else? Mustafa to have supper. and then to buy groceries for Fahmy and Wan Midget. Had fun laughing and joking around under Amat's voiddeck. heh. Han slept over my house yesterday too so its all goood and smooth yknow.

This is baby's most sexiest picture. He declares. Haha.

Pervert Smelling My Hair

i love you sayang.

lovehate.

2008-12-16T13:01:00.005+08:00

.zoukout pictures.

had a blast with everyone especially Han.

'Next stop, Thailand!!!!

home.

2008-12-09T16:38:00.004+08:00

Went to meet Helemok at Riverwalk the other night to party. It was free entry at HOME club so we all decided to get in an dance our asses off. We celebrated Ogy's 21st Birthday too. We usually prefer psy-trance then poptart. Heh. But the funny thing was Wan Midget's body surf. He got to bodysurf three times sia. Here's some of the pics Han took for us.